I love black thongs
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize