whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
