I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
