You just made me feel so damn special
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
