Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
