Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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