I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
