My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My feet surprised me
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