I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
