the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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