No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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