I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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