My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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