Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
