hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
