Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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