All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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