Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
