just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
