I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Randomize
