Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
