break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
