I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
