goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
