Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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