your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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