At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
