Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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