My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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