Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
