Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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