You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
