No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
