He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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