Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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