Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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