im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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