I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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