So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
