Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize