Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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