That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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