apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
