I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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