I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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