you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Terrible idea I love it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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