I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
