Betty ford says i'm here all night
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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