FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
