I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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