Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
