Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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