Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
