A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
false alarm. still invincible.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
