So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize