wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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