I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize