I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
