you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
