maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
