this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
