Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
why do cheetos always look like penises
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
