Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
