Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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