i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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