Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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