i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The air taste purple.
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