If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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