Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
