I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
