it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
