Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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